OCD

   No, no, no. It's "CDO." Put it in alphabetical order. Geez. I have a total of 44 blog posts: 40 posted and 4 in the making. That's not good. That's why I'm writing this one. That way, I'll have a nice, odd-numbered total of 45 posts. The number 4 is an evil number. There's something about it that just gets on my nerves. It stands out as something that simply does not belong in our number system. There's something wrong with most even numbers in general. Unless they're multiples of 10. All multiples of 10 (aside from multiples of 10 that start with the number 4) are okay. The numbers 3,5,7,19, 21, and 33 are the best numbers. Notice they're all odd numbers. Odd numbers are good. 

   And don't get me started on letters. The letter "Q" has just got to go. We don't even need it! Whenever we need to make that sound, we can just use "kw" or something like that. And I have a love/hate relationship with the letter "X." Sometimes it's necessary to use, but other times it causes a shudder to go down my spine, as if someone ran their fingers down a chalkboard.

   Words have an effect on me, as well. There's some words that are so darn satisfying for my mouth to say. "Transubstantiation ." "Fact." "Ridiculous." "Fantastic." "Sebastian." "Miraculous." "Satisfaction." The phrase: "Consubstantial with the Father." It pleases me to make the sounds that the letters "C" and "T" make together and using the suffix "-tial." When I say these words out loud, I say them to myself over and over again in my head. 

   Colors are important. I usually like all colors, but if it's a certain shade, I have to look away. Greens and oranges, if the right shade, are beautiful and I love them. Heck, peach is one of my favorite colors. But if it's even slightly too dark or too light, it's wrong and needs to go. Bright colors are supposed to be bright. Soft colors are supposed to be soft. Dark colors are tolerable, but should be avoided unless the circumstance requires a dark color to be used. Dark colors are best if put with a bright or soft color. I prefer warm colors to cool colors. I imagine Hell to be a cold, dark place, so cool colors just seem evil to me. I have mixed feelings about light blue. If it's a grayish light blue, then it's evil. But if it's a pure light blue, then Mary comes to mind. And Mary is always beautiful.

   Everything must always be in order. Always. If not alphabetical order, then categorized neatly. God forbid anything to be in random or in a messed up or in an "almost clean" sort of order.  If something's going to be messed up, it must be completely messed up or it has to be perfectly clean. I learned how to sort things in Kindergarten and have been obsessed with it ever since. I blame my teacher for my OCD CDO for that reason. 

   So now I've explained myself. OCD CDO is what makes up a large part of my long list of imperfections. It's something I struggle with. I often lay awake at night because my bed has been made up so that it's off center and I don't feel like getting up to remake it or the light on the fire alarm is blinking on the wrong beat. My brain screams when a dog barks off key. My spine tingles my fingers accidentally brush up against a piece of fabric that's too soft. The world starts to spin around me if someone leaves the door even slightly cracked open. I feel the need to lash out at the stranger who said "you did good" instead of "you did well" in the conversation I'd been eavesdropping on. 

   But it's okay. I'm not perfect and neither is the world around me. Seeing the beauty through imperfection is something I've got to work on. I have to learn to sing along with the off note, to embrace the something that doesn't fit, to dance in the light of imperfections. Because sometimes it's the imperfections that bring us closer to perfect.