Buzzing Around my Head

I have a lot on my mind right now. I’m going to drive myself to insanity. My thoughts are buzzing around in my head like a swarm of bees. I really should be doing school and getting started on the three essays that are due soon. Or I could put my laundry away, or clean my room, or do the dishes, or organize my desk. In other words, I could be productive. Hahaha! No.

Guys. I’m growing old. Junior year is more than halfway over. I’ll be in my last year of high school soon. I have exactly 337 days left of being a child. That’s a scary thought. I think I’ll just go sit over there all by myself and think about that for a minute.

Whoa. Hold up. Okay. I’m done with that. It makes my head spin.

I’m craving an adventure. I want to go out and do something. That’s the sad thing about being a homeschooler. If I’m not at a doctor’s appointment, I’m at home doing school or watching my siblings. That is my life. I guess that’s not entirely sad. It’s not that I dislike staying at home and being with my family. I don’t even dislike going to the doctor so much. It’s just that I sometimes get a bad case of cabin fever and need to go out and explore something new. If you share this desire to adventure with me, please don’t hesitate to contact me immediately. Facebook, email, call, text, smoke signals… Really. Come on an adventure with me.

I had a seizure at Lifeteen last Sunday. It was the very first Lifeteen that I’d been to since October. I had been counting down the days, the hours, and finally the minutes until I was allowed to finally go back. I was so excited. I really thought I could make it the entire night without having a seizure. I’d almost made it. We had maybe only another 10-15 minutes before we ended with snack in the back. I was so close. I’m actually quite happy that I made it that far. I did have fun in the time that I was there. I got to see some people that I’d been missing very much. I am so grateful.

I’m still quite sick. I’ve been getting these mad headaches that keep me up at night and bring me to tears during the day. On the bright side, my stomach has started to hurt less. Knowing that I have gastroparesis and being able to keep a diet that helps my sad excuse for a stomach digest my food has made all the difference in the way I feel. I still don’t have as much energy as I’d like to have, and I obviously still have seizures. But I’m grateful for the progress that I’ve made. I can only pray that in this next year and hopefully sooner, I will make even more progress in my health.

I’m hoping to go to Adoration soon. I’m kind of at a spiritual low at this point in my life. I feel as if I’m going through the motions, not growing closer to my Love in any way. My heart is aching so much right now. I need so much to go be with Him. Soon, I hope.

I have to go be productive now. Procrastination is a way that the Enemy likes to tempt me, and I cannot let him win. I’m trying to do all for the glory of God, especially when I don’t want to. It’s hard, but that’s how I know that it will be worth it.