Dear God,
Sometimes, You just overwhelm me. One moment, I'm laughing like a maniac who's had far too much sugar. And then the next, I'm bawling like a small child, helpless and weak. Once again, I surrender myself to You.
I want to dance in a grassy field and sing Your praises, yet at the same time, I'm ready to lie down and fall asleep, never to wake up again. But I can't give up. That's not what You're calling me to do. I know that You want me to be strong, even when I feel as if this cross is too hard for me to carry. I trip and fall on my face. I don't want to get up. I just want to lie here and let the world go on around me. I'm tired. Deep down, I know You're there. But the Enemy is constantly at my side, whispering in my ear, trying to turn my eyes and my heart from what's True. But as I sit here, wrestling with my own thoughts and fears, I know that You're so much more worth it than to give in to his lies. You can make me strong. Especially when it seems like life is too much.
I'm so scared for what's to come. Fear has a choke hold on me, making my breath grow shorter until I feel as if I am slowly slipping away from consciousness. The world spins around me. I no longer know what to do or where to turn.
So I give up. I've given up before. Dozens, maybe even hundreds of times. And now I'm doing it yet again. I know that You're so much better at being in control. So I surrender myself to You, yet again. But this time, I'm not longer just wiggling the white flag half-heartedly. I'm doing a full-out-waving-that-freaking-flag-over-my-head-so-hard-I'm-sure-my-arm-is-going-to-fall-off kinda thing. Jesus, I surrender myself to You. I trust in You because I know that You have an amazing plan set out for me. I trust that You know what You're doing. Once again, I'm in Your hands to do as You please.
With love,
Your little lamb,
Rachel Claire
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