Sister Sister

My God,

You're calling my sister to You, to be Your bride. And she's running to You with her arms open, ready to serve You in any way that You desire. Her love for You is endless, and I know she will make for a wonderful bride for You. You deserve someone as amazing as my big sister. She's going to look beautiful in her habit. 

Remember when I told You that I am completely Yours? Remember how I promised that anything that I had was Yours to take? Well, I meant every word. I will continue to live up to that promise every day of my life. However, I do think I'm going to need some help.I never thought that you were going to take my sister, the one person in my life that I'm closest to. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to let go. 

My God, grant me peace. 

You see her as she goes on all those discernment retreats with the Sisters. You protect her as she travels around the country, and You guide her so that she might one day find the order that You want her to become a part of. She follows Your calling willingly and joyfully, and she never fails to come home with a thousand stories about the Sisters and how much she loved her visits with them. She always comes home so happy. And that makes me happy. 

But at the same time, never have I been so unhappy. I know You're watching over me as I sit on my bed each night she's away, afraid of the sacrifice You're calling me to make for the sake of my sister's vocation. You see every tear that drips down my face, and You know the fears I hold in my heart. I know You hear my cries for help to let go, to let You take my sister without a moment of hesitation. But I trust You, even though it seems like You're holding back on that. I know You have a reason for letting me sit here feeling such distress over this. 

I do realize how silly and selfish I sound right now. I mean, it's not like I really have a choice. But even if I did, I would still give her up for You. You know I would. But right now, what is it that's holding me back? Why is this so hard? You're calling her to be with You. My prayer is a constant plea for You to help me find peace in this. But even as I sit in front of You in the Blessed Sacrament, but heart becomes even heavier. I feel guilty that I feel so sad about my sister responding to Your call for her. I feel like I'm holding something back from You. 

I'm afraid of losing her. My goodness, I'm like a two year old right now. I say "Here, Father. You may have anything." And then when You take it, I only pull it back with a cry of "No, Father!" Except not really. I'm not saying no to You. But I am saying that I'm afraid. I do trust that You're holding us both close to Your heart. This will be good because I know that You are good. 

I offer up all of my fears and distress up to You. I am forever Your servant. Lead the way, my Shepherd. I am Your little lamb and I will love You always. I pray for peace.

With all my love,
Rachel

Adoration.

I made my way to the Adoration chapel, breathless and happy. I could feel a pull in my heart, as if Jesus was calling out to me from the Tabernacle where He resided.  It was the beginning of Easter break and besides, there was no place I would rather be than sitting in front of the Eucharist. Lent was coming to an end, and I'd been longing to spend some time with Him.
 
I pulled open the heavy door to the chapel, smiling as I breathed in the faint smell of incense. I dipped my finger tips into the holy water font and genuflected. Already, my heart was getting that familiar flutter that comes whenever I can feel myself come close to God. I sank into a pew close to the front and set my gaze upon the Monstrance. Shivers ran up and down my spine as I sat there in the utter stillness. I do so love the Holy Presence. 

"Hello, Jesus," I whispered. I could almost imagine Him turning towards me with a warm smile on His face as He wrapped me in His loving arms and held me close. 

"Hello, My child. I've been waiting for you," He would say. 

Smiling to myself at the thought, I took my rosary beads out of my bag and knelt down to pray. As I meditated on the Sorrowful mysteries, I gazed upon the large crucifix hanging above the altar. I murmured the prayers to myself, fingering my beads as I meditated over the Sorrowful mysteries. The Agony in the Garden, The Scourging at the Pillar, The Crowning of Thorns, The Carrying of the Cross, and finally The Crucifixion. Finishing with a Hail Holy Queen and then a St. Michael prayer, I once again turned my gaze towards the Monstrance. -->

Lent's almost over. For some reason, this Lent didn't seem as long as others had. Not that I really mind either way. I hold a special place in my heart for the season of Lent. To me, suffering has always been something to be seen as beautiful. What a beautiful way to grow closer to my God, to carry the Cross along side of Him as He stumbles up the hill to pay the price for my sins. 

It's been a beautiful Lent. I've slipped up more than once, but through the graces that I received from the Sacrament, I made it through. I feel so much stronger with these beautiful graces. Even still, I'm tired and I'm craving sugar like none other. It's been a long, difficult 40 days in the desert, but we're almost there.

Praise be to Jesus.

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you. 
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart. 
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you. 
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your DadAlmighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications 
© 1999-2011 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

Hope. He's Given me Hope.

I've fallen. My knees and my hands are bloodied and my face is drenched in tears. I hurt so badly. I collapse, letting my face hit the ground. I don't want to stand up. I just want to lie here, in a puddle of my own tears, and wait for the misery to pass over me. It seems as if life has stopped. I can think of nothing other than the fact that I've fallen. I don't want to stand back up. I know that once I get up, I'll only fall again. I don't trust my own two feet to hold me up. I just want to lie here and sleep for the rest of eternity. I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, spiritually... exhausted. I am exhausted. I am weak. I am afraid. 

But then I feel something, a gentle tug in my face that moves my face slowly upwards. What I see knocks the breath out of me. Two hands-- hands that have worked purely in the name of love, hands that have gently caressed the faces of small children, hands that have ever so lovingly healed those who were sick-- two strong hands, nailed to a cross. Two feet-- two feet that have walked a thousand miles, that have traveled both near and far only to serve, those two feet which have walked across the stormy seas-- two feet, nailed to a cross. 

My eyes are drawn up still more, and I immediately want to bring them down again. But I can't look away. The face-- a crown of thorns pressed deeply into His forehead, blood and sweat pouring down His cheeks, his face twisted in pain and sadness. But those eyes, those dark brown eyes that look so deeply into my own, as if they're looking straight into my innermost being. I want to turn my face away, but I can't. As He looks down into my face, I am overwhelmed with emotion. 

As much as I want to just give up, looking up at Him on that cross, I know that I can't. His love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me. Life is hard, I feel so weak, and I just want to sit here and cry. But I'm filled with hope. Hope in that beautiful Man on the cross, that Man Who has done so much for me. I'm almost afraid to see where this path is leading me, but I know that I can get back up and continue on. It hurts and I am afraid, but once again, I am filled with the hope of His unfailing love. 

There is a Reason

I hurt. I'm very sick. I'm tired. I have no energy. I can't even go to youth group events, church retreats, dances, or birthday parties without the fear of collapsing and having a seizure. I've lost the life of the kid that I've gotten so used to being. I'm scared. I find myself crying myself to sleep at night, begging God to just take me in my sleep so I don't have to suffer another day. I am not strong. I am afraid. 

But then, as I sit in Adoration, gazing upon the Monstrance that sits on the alter before me, I can't help but be reminded that there is no need for that. There's a reason I'm still alive. There's a reason God hasn't decided to take me from this world early. He has a plan for me. Yes, I hurt. But there is a reason for that hurt. God knows what He's doing. Yes, it is very hard to trust Him, especially in these times where it seems as if I've lost so much. But it's in these times when I only have to trust Him more, because the outcome is going to be only that much more beautiful. 

Jesus holds me closely, because I am so very dear to Him. He won't let me go. I have no need to be afraid. He wants only the best for me, and if I trust in Him with all my heart, only the best will I get. He is my Shepherd, and I am His precious lamb. I have wandered and gotten lost, but He's found me over and over again. There is a reason for all that He gives me. This pain, this sickness, this hurt. I'm going through it all for a reason. He won't let me down. 

Jesus, I trust in You. 

I'm No Longer Just Wiggling the White Flag.

Dear God,
Sometimes, You just overwhelm me. One moment, I'm laughing like a maniac who's had far too much sugar. And then the next, I'm bawling like a small child, helpless and weak. Once again, I surrender myself to You. 
I want to dance in a grassy field and sing Your praises, yet at the same time, I'm ready to lie down and fall asleep, never to wake up again. But I can't give up. That's not what You're calling me to do. I know that You want me to be strong, even when I feel as if this cross is too hard for me to carry. I trip and fall on my face. I don't want to get up. I just want to lie here and let the world go on around me. I'm tired. Deep down, I know You're there. But the Enemy is constantly at my side, whispering in my ear, trying to turn my eyes and my heart from what's True. But as I sit here, wrestling with my own thoughts and fears, I know that You're so much more worth it than to give in to his lies. You can make me strong. Especially when it seems like life is too much. 
I'm so scared for what's to come. Fear has a choke hold on me, making my breath grow shorter until I feel as if I am slowly slipping away from consciousness. The world spins around me. I no longer know what to do or where to turn.
So I give up. I've given up before. Dozens, maybe even hundreds of times. And now I'm doing it yet again. I know that You're so much better at being in control. So I surrender myself to You, yet again. But this time, I'm not longer just wiggling the white flag half-heartedly. I'm doing a full-out-waving-that-freaking-flag-over-my-head-so-hard-I'm-sure-my-arm-is-going-to-fall-off kinda thing. Jesus, I surrender myself to You. I trust in You because I know that You have an amazing plan set out for me. I trust that You know what You're doing. Once again, I'm in Your hands to do as You please. 
With love,
Your little lamb,
Rachel Claire

He Makes Me Feel as If I Can Fly

You know that feeling? The one where you feel as if just the slightest breeze might whip you up into the air, over the trees and into the clouds, higher and higher until you're sure that you're going to go so high, you'll run out of oxygen? The one that gives you the urge to put on your fullest skirt just so you can have the satisfying feeling of it blowing out as you twirl and twirl until you fall down? The one that makes your feet itch to dance in an open, grassy field to the beat of your heart? Yeah, that feeling. 

Some might call it happiness. Some might call it craziness. Some might call it love. Me? I call it Jesus. When I receive Him in the Eucharist on Sundays, when I'm blessed with His forgiveness after Reconciliation, and sometimes just at the mere thought of His beautiful face.

I can see His dark eyes gazing into my own, piercing down lovingly into the very depths of my soul. I can see the blood seeping out of the wounds caused by the the crown of thorns that has been pressed onto His head, the red drops making their way down His face. I can see the mouth that has spoken of His perfect love for me. I can hear it's laughter that has joined mine as I laugh at my own girlish silliness. I can feel the embrace as He wraps His strong arms around my small form, holding me until all my fears and sadness leave me. My skin tingles as the scars brush against my cheek when He wipes my tears away. I can hear His deep voice whispering into my hair, telling me not to be afraid:

"My little lamb, I love you more than you can possibly imagine. I am here. Always. I am your Shepherd. When you stray, I will find you and lead you back to safety. I will protect you against the evils that the Wolf might try to bring to you. I will be with you in stormy weather. I will be your friend when you are lonely. I will listen when you need to talk. I will give you strength when you feel as if you're too weak to go on. I will be here. You are My little lamb, and I won't let you go." 

He's my best friend. 

The Prayer of a 16 Year Old Girl

Dear Daddy in Heaven,


I know that You have a wonderful man in mind for me to marry someday. I pray that he has the characteristics listed above as well as: Catholic, good father material, hardworking, romantic, and a real family guy who wants a large one of this own. I also wouldn't complain if he had blue eyes and a nice smile. Either that or have a Pier Giorgio Frassati look to him. Either way, I look forward to the day I meet him. I ask that You help him to continuously grow in his faith and be pure until that day comes. I trust that You will be the Perfect Father that You are and keep me away from all those guys who might lead me away from You. Choosing the guy that I marry is going to be one of the biggest decisions I'll ever have to make. I ask that You send Your Spirit down upon me so that I may guard my heart and never stray away from You. I pray that You guide me to follow the path that You've laid out for me so that whatever I do, it's in accordance with Your holy Will. 


In Your Son's most holy Name,
Your daughter,
Rachel Claire