There is a Reason

I hurt. I'm very sick. I'm tired. I have no energy. I can't even go to youth group events, church retreats, dances, or birthday parties without the fear of collapsing and having a seizure. I've lost the life of the kid that I've gotten so used to being. I'm scared. I find myself crying myself to sleep at night, begging God to just take me in my sleep so I don't have to suffer another day. I am not strong. I am afraid. 

But then, as I sit in Adoration, gazing upon the Monstrance that sits on the alter before me, I can't help but be reminded that there is no need for that. There's a reason I'm still alive. There's a reason God hasn't decided to take me from this world early. He has a plan for me. Yes, I hurt. But there is a reason for that hurt. God knows what He's doing. Yes, it is very hard to trust Him, especially in these times where it seems as if I've lost so much. But it's in these times when I only have to trust Him more, because the outcome is going to be only that much more beautiful. 

Jesus holds me closely, because I am so very dear to Him. He won't let me go. I have no need to be afraid. He wants only the best for me, and if I trust in Him with all my heart, only the best will I get. He is my Shepherd, and I am His precious lamb. I have wandered and gotten lost, but He's found me over and over again. There is a reason for all that He gives me. This pain, this sickness, this hurt. I'm going through it all for a reason. He won't let me down. 

Jesus, I trust in You.