In Which I Ramble About the Beautiful Chaos that is my Life

Marisa Clare Photography

I sincerely miss blogging. I keep saying I’ll write a post about this and that, but of course it never happens. Life is so busy, and my rare moments of down time are spent elsewhere. It used to bug me that I’ve neglected this part of my life, but I’ve just come to accept it as a thing of the past. But I do miss it, hence why I’ve returned to write again. Once more, perhaps. And maybe again in the future. We’ll see.

So much has changed in my life since I last wrote. I’m growing up, and I’m okay with that. I look forward to see what it is that God has in store for the future. The thought that graduation is in about a month and a half brings bittersweet feelings. I doubt that I’ll miss high school. My best friend is moving to Florida, though. I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay with that. The end of high school means the end of so many beautiful things. It’s a scary thought, but it’s an exciting kind of scary.

I really don’t know what I want to do with my life yet. I’ll be starting off at a community college near my house at first, and then I’ll probably move on to the University of Arizona after that. I’m entirely sure what I’ll study. Speech therapy sounds like fun. So does working in the slums of Calcutta. My life is a constant discernment of what it is that God wants from me. My future is completely in His hands. I suppose that’s how it’s supposed to be. It can be quite frustrating, to be honest. I wish He would be clearer in telling me what it is that He wants from me. My life is a constant discernment, and a never ending “we’ll see.”

I know a guy that looks like Pier Giorgio Frassati. Even better, he’s just about as holy, too. He makes me have many emotions. I’m tired of emotions. I gave up emotions for Lent. It’s not working out very well. Darn it, boy. This, like everything else, is in the hands of God. This, too, is a “we’ll see.” I’m not even sure if he reads my blog. If he does, I’m sure he’d know I was talking about him. That might be awkward. Hi, boy.

I have the most incredible job in the world. I work at a daycare near my house. I basically get paid to cuddle with toddlers. I’ve developed a strong love for the thought of God as our most loving Father. I can see why He loves us so much as His children. I know that He’s calling me to the vocation of motherhood. I see His love most when I’m caring for children. I look forward to that point in my life when I finally get to raise a dozen of my own little saints and teach them to know and to love Him.

This post really had no structure. I’d apologize, but I’m really not that sorry. It simply feels good to blog again. 

And My Heart Bursts out of Love for Every One of Them.

My Heart Kinda Hurts.

The crucifix at the end of her rosary dug into her skin as she gripped it tighter in her sweaty fist. She yearned for peace, yet she remained unsettled. Tears began to drip down her face So much has changed in these last few weeks. It's been so hard. She gazed down at the crucifix and sobbed. She felt lost, alone, and completely broken. She was scared. She'd already done all that she knew to do. Now it was time to sit back and wait with patience and trust. Oh, how she hated this. She fingered the rosary she held in her hands and began to pray. It was all that she had left. 

Shame on Your Adorable Face.

I'm not a swooner. I never have been. But there's something special about you. I'm not sure what it is. You make my heart beat faster and the mere thought of your never fails to bring a smile to my face. You make me happy. That's been kind of hard to do lately. So kudos. You certainly are a special one. 

I'm in the denial stage. "Face it, Rachel. You're in love with him." What? No, I'm not. I won't fall in love. My parents wouldn't approve. It's too soon. I'm too young. I don't need to add a lover to my ever growing list of things to worry about. Besides, you're too good for me. You're too sweet. Too kind. Too perfect. It can't happen. 

Shame on your adorable face for making me fall for you. I can't focus on anything. It's probably not healthy the way you make my heart beat so quickly. I'm smiling. I know I am. I always do when it comes to talking about you. I can't help it. I've fallen. For you. And I don't know how I'm going to get up. I don't even know if I want to. 

Maybe I'll just give up on it all and become a nun. 

But...
But...
But...
(Heh heh butt.) 

Come and Gone.

Almost as quickly as it came, summer 2k13 skids to an end. I don't care what they keep telling me--how every year is the same and all that pish posh. I swear this year is going by much faster than it should. And it might have to do with the fact that it's the one year that I want to last forever. I turn 18 in 138 days. Senior year starts in a mere 5. I want time to stop, but at the same time, it can't go by fast enough. 

The early August humidity soaks into me as I ponder life and everything in it. Disgusted at the stickiness that always comes from our Tucson monsoons, I wipe the sweat from my face. I like to tell myself that my Irish skin has tanned to a darker shade of white this summer, but I know that I'm simply fooling myself. Though I still manage to get awkward tan lines. Funny how that works.  Funny how everything works. I'm in one of those moods. 

Moods are stupid. Feelings are stupid. This entire summer, I've been struggling with a certain type of feeling that I didn't want to surface for a long while. These feelings can make you do some pretty darn stupid stuff--the kind of stuff that you'd never imagined yourself doing in any other circumstance. How stupid. But it can be wonderful. 

This summer was filled to the brim with wonderful in every form. Family vacations, spending long hours doing nothing with my closest friends, Jesus highs that made me want to sing, times of desolation that made me want to scream, laughter, tears, love, heartbreak... wonderful in every form that I've ever known. 

God is amazing. I mean, that pretty much goes without saying--He always is. But sometimes, I just have to state the obvious. He's brought me yet another perfect summer. It's come to an end, only to bring the start of something new. And I am so excited. 

Oh, Hey Again.

Well, ladies and gentleman. It appears that our favorite Rachel Claire has returned to the blogging world. With the school year coming to it's much-awaited ending, I think I'm going to take up this past time again. 

Oh, hush. Don't act like you didn't miss me. <3 

Whoa, guys. Junior year is actually almost over. It's bittersweet, really. I've come to the realization that my childhood is nearly over. I'll be 18 in exactly 217 days. I'm not exactly sure how to feel about this. For one thing, I look forward to see where God is leading me in my life. I look forward to go out and serve Him in the world. I'm excited for the future. And yet, I hesitate. I don't see myself ever fully letting go of my childhood. I guess I don't like to see beautiful things come to an end. But I know that this ending is beautiful, because it's the beginning of something even greater. Bring it. 

Oh and hey guess what. I like a guy. I think. His name is HahadoyoureallythinkI'dsaythatonhere. You can be sure that he'll be the subject of future posts. Stupid hormones. 

Wait. What am I doing? I have finals to study for. 

BUT I SHALL RETURN AGAIN. RACHEL IS BACK IN THE BLOGGING BUSINESS, Y'ALL. 

Call me Crazy: My Thoughts on Dating.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person my age who is perfectly okay with the fact that I'm single. I often see people post on facebook, pining over their lack of a romantic partner. "I need a boyfriend to make me happy and stuff."  Or  "Ohmygosh I'm so single I'm like gonna die alooone except maybe with my 27 cats." And let's not forget about how Valentine's Day has been dubbed "Singles Awareness Day." Uh. Did I miss something? Is singleness really a horrible thing? Come on.  I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been kissed. And guess what? I couldn't be happier. 

I mean, there's no need for me to have a boyfriend right now. It seems to me that there are too many people who feel that dating is all about fun and games with someone you're attracted to. Like, just dating for the sake of dating. Not only is that a pointless waste of emotions, I see relationships as something much deeper and important than that. Dating is a time for discernment. Discernment for MARRIAGE, folks. Eep! Dude, I am so not ready for that. Call me crazy, but I wanna finish high school before I start discerning marriage. 

High school's also a time to grow closer to your guy friends as friends. Ideally, high school should be a time for low pressure friendships with the opposite sex. Of course, it's definitely not always like this. But it's best for all of us. My best friend is a guy and there's really no pressure for us to date at all. And if you are attracted to one of your friends who's a guy/girl, use this time while you're in high school to develop a greater friendship with them. All strong relationships are based off of strong friendships first.  

Honestly, it's a turn off for me when a guy isn't happy about being single. It's truly pitiful when they seem to be desperate for a girlfriend. And same goes for girls, as well. Patience is attractive on anyone. It shows an important strength in their character. It also gives a person time to grow up. Because being in a good and holy relationship takes a heck of a lot of maturity. I know I'm not mature enough, yet. And there a few, if any, 17 year olds who are. 

While we're in high school, we should really be focusing on growing deeper in our relationship with God. I can't stress enough on how important this is. We were created with this God-shaped hole in our hearts. No one but God can fill it. And we were created with an insatiable thirst for love. A lot of people try to fulfill that thirst with other people, but once again, no one can fulfill this but the God Who gave Himself up for you. It's impossible. Whether it be friendships or relationships, no one can truly satisfy us like God can. 

Yes, this goes against what most of us are used to. And it's quite likely that you disagree with me. It's a different idea and it contradicts today's social norms. But guess what? We're called to be counter-cultural. We're called to go against what society expects of us because we're called to be so much greater than that. 

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you. 
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart. 
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you. 
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your DadAlmighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications 
© 1999-2011 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

Boy Crazy.

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine called me boy crazy. I’m still thinking about it even now. I’m not entirely sure why, but it kind of hurt my feelings. Maybe because it’s kind of true. Why is that thought so horrifying?

My friend mentioned that every three weeks, I was messaging her on facebook telling her about a new boy that I fancied. Hearing her say that was like a slap in the face that woke me up to a reality that I wasn't exactly aware of. I mean, I did know that I was paying more attention to the male persons in my life more than I was used to. I just didn't know exactly how much I've actually changed from the person that I used to be.

You see, I never really cared that much about guys. To me, my guy friends were always just like my girl friends. Except grosser, smellier, and with less drama. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn't entirely disinterested in liking guys, either. I most certainly have had my fair share of crushes in my late childhood/early teenage years. But I never exactly considered myself to be legitimately “boy crazy.” I usually made fun of the type of girls who would change who they like every seven minutes. I saw them as pathetic children who need to get a life. Now I’m that pathetic child. Lord, help me.

I was always grateful for the fact that I was homeschooled because that way, I wouldn't have all that “OMG you need a boyfriend or else you will DIIIIEEE” poop stuffed in my face. Now, I don’t think my case of boy craziness is that severe, but it’s definitely more so than I would like. I was happy with being foot loose and fancy free and nearly completely careless about the male gender entirely. But now… Well, I don’t like it.

I really need to guard my heart more. I do think that God is calling me to marriage. But I’m pretty sure He’s not calling me to be all “Holy moly, I’m going to marry him. And him. And him. And maybe him, too.” Yup. Guarding my heart is something I definitely need to work on.

So alas, I will sit here and pray for my future husband and continue to build myself to be a better, stronger woman of God. I just have to continue to trust in God and His perfect plan for me. That’s what life is about right now. Praise be to Jesus. 

Meanwhile, PIER GIORGIO FRASSATI ABGIOWNGOBEING;AOJE!!!!!!!!!! Pray for us. 

Be Still My Heart

Praying for Him Every Day

Lord, let my spouse find You before he finds me!

Two Paths

I stand there, with two paths lying there before me. I must choose one to walk down. I don't know where either end up, nor can I foresee any obstacles that I'm sure to come across. I cannot move on until I make a choice. 

The first path I look down is beautiful, with the sounds of children's laughter echoing from within. Even as I stood there, watching the happiness of the scenes playing before me take place, I feel warm inside. Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I see myself walking hand in hand with a man who has that familiarity to him, the kind that I know could only come from a God-blessed love. My face completely radiates pure joy. I just want to stop everything and immediately run full force down that path, but something draws me to turn my face and look down the other path. 

After seeing the beauty of the first path, I'm almost afraid to turn away from it and look down the second. Hesitant, I turn my face toward the second path and peer down into it. Immediately, a bright light shines into my face, forcing me to turn away once again. I almost don't want to try and look down the path again, but something draws me to try and look even deeper this time. As I move my face to once again take a glance down the path, the utter beauty that shines from within takes the breath out of me. The glorious sounds of angels praising God ring in my ears, and I can't help but smile at its beauty. My heart is filled with joy as I continue to feel ever more drawn towards that path. This path is just so purely beautiful. 

I stand there, torn between the two paths, overwhelmed by the pure beauty that the both of them radiate. Both of them are so beautiful, both seem to fill me with such joy, I'm confused at which of them I am to choose. Where do You lead me? I pray. And then I sit on the ground where I'd been standing, and wait. 

My Sacred Heart Statue Started Beating Faster When I Saw You...

It’s Palm Sunday, may I hold your palm?

Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?

You have beautiful brown scapular colored eyes.

Haven’t I seen your face on a Holy Card somewhere?

Your hair is as soft as the cord of my rosary.

Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

I have a vocation to the married life. Will you help me out?

God was showing off when he made you.

I lost my rosary. Can I use your fingers?

Are you Saint Anthony? Because you found my heart.

The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," how about dinner?

You're as lovely as a rose. Hey, you must be my answer to the novena I was praying to St. Therese the Little Flower!

My Guardian Angel thinks you're kinda cute

God said it is not good for man to be alone. So how about it?

When I saw you, I knew the true meaning of "Rejoice and Be Glad."

You know, God is pure beauty...I see a lot of God in you.

You like Jesus? I like Jesus! We could go like Jesus together...

Don't worry, I'm attracted to you purely in a spiritual way.

A little bird... the Holy Spirit actually... tells me we should get to know each other a little better.

Has anyone ever told you, your eyes are like doves and your neck like the tower of David?

I know this great place to go to on Sunday mornings. They have the best wine!

So YOU'RE the third secret of Fatima?!

Dinner. My Place. Tomorrow. Don't argue; it's a feast of obligation.

If I had a bead for every time I though of you, I'd have a joyful mystery.

Let me help you carry that cross

You put the "Holy" in "Holy Spirit".

Purity: Modernized

Some Lucky Guy Will Have To Deal With This Girl Someday... Poor Guy

A question that I've been getting quite a bit lately is: "Rachel, why do boys like you so much? You're so weird and so awkward... it just doesn't seem to be possible." And that got me thinking.  So I made a list of all of the qualities that God's given me that I'm sure are the reasons why I've been getting so much male attention. (I've serious gotten, like, six proposals in the last two years and countless guys asking me out. It's flattering, really., if not slightly disgusting. I mean, we all know that boys have cooties.)  

I have beautiful eyes. 

I'm really close to my family.

I love praising Jesus with all that I am.

I have a great sense in style.

I am (obviously) the most attractive of the Hitchcock girls.

I look great in a swimsuit.

I have an attractive laugh.

I'm really good at posing with ice cream. 

I can do a pull up. (So long as the camera isn't looking at my feet.)

I'm responsible and good at being the boss. 

I have big muscles.

 And not to mention the fact that I am really, really good looking. 

The Letter Any Future Suitors Will be Getting

I hereby give my dad my permission to do this to any suitors that might come up in the future. Watch out boys! BOTH my daddies (here on earth and my Heavenly Father) have got my back! 
P.S. I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this before, but I love love LOVE the Biblegeek. He inspires me so much to be the saint God's calling me to be. 

The Prayer of a 16 Year Old Girl

Dear Daddy in Heaven,


I know that You have a wonderful man in mind for me to marry someday. I pray that he has the characteristics listed above as well as: Catholic, good father material, hardworking, romantic, and a real family guy who wants a large one of this own. I also wouldn't complain if he had blue eyes and a nice smile. Either that or have a Pier Giorgio Frassati look to him. Either way, I look forward to the day I meet him. I ask that You help him to continuously grow in his faith and be pure until that day comes. I trust that You will be the Perfect Father that You are and keep me away from all those guys who might lead me away from You. Choosing the guy that I marry is going to be one of the biggest decisions I'll ever have to make. I ask that You send Your Spirit down upon me so that I may guard my heart and never stray away from You. I pray that You guide me to follow the path that You've laid out for me so that whatever I do, it's in accordance with Your holy Will. 


In Your Son's most holy Name,
Your daughter,
Rachel Claire

My Catholic Boy

I love this song. I first heard of it on a lifeteen retreat, and now I just can't get it out of my head. But that's a good thing. Because it's a good song. It's pretty much the description of an ideal Catholic boyfriend/ future husband. 

My Saint Crush: Pier Giorgio Fra-hottie

Okay, okay. I'll admit it. I like boys. I have a mad crush on one man in particular. He's handsome, Italian, athletic, Italian, broad shouldered, Italian, dark colored, Italian, tall, Italian, light hearted, Italian, and CATHOLIC... an ITALIAN CATHOLIC! As far as I'm concerned, he has but one flaw: his life here on earth ended on July 4, 1925. He's dead. *pitiful sigh* 
Pope John Paul II called him the "Man of the Beatitudes" because the life he chose to live was to serve the least of those around him. He loved the poor. He always put others before himself. He embraced sacrifice for his strong love of God. He would rather help a poor old lady move when she's been evicted from her home than go to the fancy parties that his wealthy family was invited to. It's the small things like this that I find so... charming. His striking movie star looks are just a bonus. I swear.
But alas, I can only pray and ask him to intercede to Jesus for me. So, Pier Giorgio Frassati, pray for us!
“Our life, in order to be Christian, has to be a continual renunciation, a continual sacrifice. But this is not difficult, if one thinks what these few years passed in suffering are, compared with eternal happiness where joy will have no measure or end, and where we shall have unimaginable peace.”