Sister Sister

My God,

You're calling my sister to You, to be Your bride. And she's running to You with her arms open, ready to serve You in any way that You desire. Her love for You is endless, and I know she will make for a wonderful bride for You. You deserve someone as amazing as my big sister. She's going to look beautiful in her habit. 

Remember when I told You that I am completely Yours? Remember how I promised that anything that I had was Yours to take? Well, I meant every word. I will continue to live up to that promise every day of my life. However, I do think I'm going to need some help.I never thought that you were going to take my sister, the one person in my life that I'm closest to. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to let go. 

My God, grant me peace. 

You see her as she goes on all those discernment retreats with the Sisters. You protect her as she travels around the country, and You guide her so that she might one day find the order that You want her to become a part of. She follows Your calling willingly and joyfully, and she never fails to come home with a thousand stories about the Sisters and how much she loved her visits with them. She always comes home so happy. And that makes me happy. 

But at the same time, never have I been so unhappy. I know You're watching over me as I sit on my bed each night she's away, afraid of the sacrifice You're calling me to make for the sake of my sister's vocation. You see every tear that drips down my face, and You know the fears I hold in my heart. I know You hear my cries for help to let go, to let You take my sister without a moment of hesitation. But I trust You, even though it seems like You're holding back on that. I know You have a reason for letting me sit here feeling such distress over this. 

I do realize how silly and selfish I sound right now. I mean, it's not like I really have a choice. But even if I did, I would still give her up for You. You know I would. But right now, what is it that's holding me back? Why is this so hard? You're calling her to be with You. My prayer is a constant plea for You to help me find peace in this. But even as I sit in front of You in the Blessed Sacrament, but heart becomes even heavier. I feel guilty that I feel so sad about my sister responding to Your call for her. I feel like I'm holding something back from You. 

I'm afraid of losing her. My goodness, I'm like a two year old right now. I say "Here, Father. You may have anything." And then when You take it, I only pull it back with a cry of "No, Father!" Except not really. I'm not saying no to You. But I am saying that I'm afraid. I do trust that You're holding us both close to Your heart. This will be good because I know that You are good. 

I offer up all of my fears and distress up to You. I am forever Your servant. Lead the way, my Shepherd. I am Your little lamb and I will love You always. I pray for peace.

With all my love,
Rachel

In Which I Ramble About the Beautiful Chaos that is my Life

Marisa Clare Photography

I sincerely miss blogging. I keep saying I’ll write a post about this and that, but of course it never happens. Life is so busy, and my rare moments of down time are spent elsewhere. It used to bug me that I’ve neglected this part of my life, but I’ve just come to accept it as a thing of the past. But I do miss it, hence why I’ve returned to write again. Once more, perhaps. And maybe again in the future. We’ll see.

So much has changed in my life since I last wrote. I’m growing up, and I’m okay with that. I look forward to see what it is that God has in store for the future. The thought that graduation is in about a month and a half brings bittersweet feelings. I doubt that I’ll miss high school. My best friend is moving to Florida, though. I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay with that. The end of high school means the end of so many beautiful things. It’s a scary thought, but it’s an exciting kind of scary.

I really don’t know what I want to do with my life yet. I’ll be starting off at a community college near my house at first, and then I’ll probably move on to the University of Arizona after that. I’m entirely sure what I’ll study. Speech therapy sounds like fun. So does working in the slums of Calcutta. My life is a constant discernment of what it is that God wants from me. My future is completely in His hands. I suppose that’s how it’s supposed to be. It can be quite frustrating, to be honest. I wish He would be clearer in telling me what it is that He wants from me. My life is a constant discernment, and a never ending “we’ll see.”

I know a guy that looks like Pier Giorgio Frassati. Even better, he’s just about as holy, too. He makes me have many emotions. I’m tired of emotions. I gave up emotions for Lent. It’s not working out very well. Darn it, boy. This, like everything else, is in the hands of God. This, too, is a “we’ll see.” I’m not even sure if he reads my blog. If he does, I’m sure he’d know I was talking about him. That might be awkward. Hi, boy.

I have the most incredible job in the world. I work at a daycare near my house. I basically get paid to cuddle with toddlers. I’ve developed a strong love for the thought of God as our most loving Father. I can see why He loves us so much as His children. I know that He’s calling me to the vocation of motherhood. I see His love most when I’m caring for children. I look forward to that point in my life when I finally get to raise a dozen of my own little saints and teach them to know and to love Him.

This post really had no structure. I’d apologize, but I’m really not that sorry. It simply feels good to blog again. 

The Most Beautiful Gift

It is the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass from which my desire to know and to love God deepens. It is with the intimacy with Christ Himself that I get when I receive Him in the Eucharist that makes me conscious of my own sinfulness and my desperate need for Christ’s mercy. Drawn by the longing for this mercy, the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass inflames the desire that I hold in my heart to grow ever closer to Him. The Holy Mass brings me in communion with Christ in the Eucharist, and my own spiritual life thrives from it.

It is the Eucharist from which I gain everything that I am to ever have, even in my ordinary everyday life. It is the Eucharist from which I draw my strength to live each day fully for Him and for Him alone. It is my silent daily prayer, in which I beg for Him to be present in my day to day life. In the words of St. Faustina, “This bread of the Strong gives me all the strength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever the Lord asks of me. The courage and strength that are in me are not of me, but of Him who lives in me - it is the Eucharist.”

Not only does the Holy Mass give me the strength I need to live as the saint that I am called to be, it deepens my understanding of the reason that I was created: to know and to love and serve God in every way that I am capable. But even more so, it creates a strong desire to go even deeper in my understanding of this. As I watch the priest raise the Host from the paten with the words “This is My Body,” something is placed in my heart to know more about the wonder in which I am partaking. And as he raises the cup and the words “Do this in remembrance of Me” are uttered from his lips, I know that I can stop at nothing until this desire is fulfilled.

The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass fills something in us that cannot be filled elsewhere. We were all created with a God-shaped hole in our hearts. We all have a constant desire to search for something to fulfill this emptiness that we have. We look everywhere that we know, yet if we try to fill ourselves by searching in the world we are going to be left empty handed. True happiness can not and does not come from the pleasures of the world. True happiness comes solely from the love of God. The most intimate and profound way that we can possibly experience this divine love is through the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

The Most Holy Sacrament of the Eucharist is the sacrament of Divine Humility. In this sacrament, Jesus offers Himself down so that He can become our very food—our daily Bread for our journey to God. When I partake in this sacrament, I am able to experience firsthand what true humility is. God, in His utter greatness and immense power, brings Himself to become small so that we might be able to approach Him. In the words of St. Cyril of Alexandria: “If the power of pride is swelling up in you, turn to the Eucharist; and that Bread, Which is your God humbling and disguising Himself, will teach you humility.” Through Christ’s humble example in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, I am brought to have a deeper understanding and to take in a greater intellect of how He gives Himself as a living example of what he wants from me as His follower. 

Mother Mary.

I really love Mary. Like, I really love Mary. 

One of my favorite things to do is to imagine what Mary was like as a young mother to her Son. I love imagining her playing and making faces at Him to make Him laugh, or holding Him closely when He was scared, or gazing down upon His tender sleeping face. She was the one who cared for Him, who bandaged His cuts and scrapes, who dried the tears off of His tiny face. She was the one who watched Him grow from a tiny little boy in her arms to a Man...that wonderful Man that He was. She was His mother and there wasn't a single person on earth who loved Him more than she did. It's such a beautiful thought. 

I've a special devotion to the sufferings of Mary.  Mary’s suffering was foreshadowed by Simeon when he said to her after she presented the baby Jesus in the temple: “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” (Luke 1:34-35).And boy, did she suffer. She watched her Son get beaten and mocked, scourged and spit upon. She stood by as He struggled with His cross, slowly dragging it up the mountain on His bloody shoulders. She saw the soldiers drive the nails into her Son's hands and feet. She was at the foot of the cross, watching her Son die. 

My favorite thing to do is to pray the rosary. I understand that not everybody shares this love. It makes me pretty sad, to be honest. More than anything, I wish that my family would make it a point to pray this together more often. Many say that it's too repetitive. But this is something that I particularly like about it. Would you ever get tired of hearing your spouse or your child saying "I love you"? The rosary is my way of telling my Mother that I love her, over and over. I love to not only say the prayers, but to meditate on the mysteries as well. I love going through the life of Jesus, seeing it all through His mother's eyes. It's so beautiful, and so under appreciated. 

There is nothing in my life that's brought me to love my Catholic faith more than Mary has. She has played such a crucial role in my faith life; I know I would not be the same person if it weren't for her. And quite honestly, I owe her it all. She's helped me through so much. I look up to Mary as a role model. She is the person that I want to grow up to be. Her obedience to God, her humility to completely submit herself to His will, and ultimately her love for Him--I want that. She is the kind of person that God is calling all of us to be. She's brought me to love her Son so much. She always draws my eyes and my heart towards Him. I love her. And through this love for her, she helps me to love Him. 

A Saint that is Just Me.

I often feel as if I have nothing to offer. I feel small and insignificant compared to the likes of those who's shadows I tend to fall under. In fact, for the longest time, I often felt as if there was never a single moment when I wasn't in someone's shadow for one thing or another. I've never felt good enough or pretty enough or holy enough for anyone. There was always somebody greater than me. Or somebody prettier. Funnier. Holier. I couldn't help comparing myself to these people. And in doing so, my opinion of myself grew smaller and smaller. 

I'm really not that impressive. When I look in the mirror, I'm never entirely happy with the person I see looking back at me. I see a girl. That less-than-perfect kind of girl. A girl with frizzy hair and pale skin. A girl who laughs too hard at jokes, or is too slow to understand them right off. A girl who loves to smile, but can't seem to ever remember to do it as much as she should. A girl who can never seem to be "good enough." Not to herself, not to others. I see a girl who messes up a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I am the epitome of imperfection. 

I really do have very little to offer. I'm not extremely talented in any way, nor am I a particularly interesting person. I am small. I am seemingly completely insignificant in this world  And yet...I still dare to desire something that I'd never thought I'd ever be able to reach. Something greater than anything that this world has to offer. There is nothing else that my heart aches for as much as the mere thought of reaching Heaven and being one with the Love of my life. Me--the silly, childish girl with nothing particularly great about her--I yearn for the greatest thing that any human can possibly dream of. I want to be a saint. 

But the greatest thing about this desire of mine is this: God wants it for me, too. Even more than I want it for myself, in fact.  I may not be the greatest, or the smartest, the funniest, the prettiest, or the holiest. I may be imperfect. I'm just me. 

But I guess that's all He asks for. 

Adoration.

I made my way to the Adoration chapel, breathless and happy. I could feel a pull in my heart, as if Jesus was calling out to me from the Tabernacle where He resided.  It was the beginning of Easter break and besides, there was no place I would rather be than sitting in front of the Eucharist. Lent was coming to an end, and I'd been longing to spend some time with Him.
 
I pulled open the heavy door to the chapel, smiling as I breathed in the faint smell of incense. I dipped my finger tips into the holy water font and genuflected. Already, my heart was getting that familiar flutter that comes whenever I can feel myself come close to God. I sank into a pew close to the front and set my gaze upon the Monstrance. Shivers ran up and down my spine as I sat there in the utter stillness. I do so love the Holy Presence. 

"Hello, Jesus," I whispered. I could almost imagine Him turning towards me with a warm smile on His face as He wrapped me in His loving arms and held me close. 

"Hello, My child. I've been waiting for you," He would say. 

Smiling to myself at the thought, I took my rosary beads out of my bag and knelt down to pray. As I meditated on the Sorrowful mysteries, I gazed upon the large crucifix hanging above the altar. I murmured the prayers to myself, fingering my beads as I meditated over the Sorrowful mysteries. The Agony in the Garden, The Scourging at the Pillar, The Crowning of Thorns, The Carrying of the Cross, and finally The Crucifixion. Finishing with a Hail Holy Queen and then a St. Michael prayer, I once again turned my gaze towards the Monstrance. -->

Lent's almost over. For some reason, this Lent didn't seem as long as others had. Not that I really mind either way. I hold a special place in my heart for the season of Lent. To me, suffering has always been something to be seen as beautiful. What a beautiful way to grow closer to my God, to carry the Cross along side of Him as He stumbles up the hill to pay the price for my sins. 

It's been a beautiful Lent. I've slipped up more than once, but through the graces that I received from the Sacrament, I made it through. I feel so much stronger with these beautiful graces. Even still, I'm tired and I'm craving sugar like none other. It's been a long, difficult 40 days in the desert, but we're almost there.

Praise be to Jesus.

I Don't Even Know

Hi, my name is Rachel Claire Hitchcock and I am madly in love with an amazing Man. In fact, for the past couple of weeks, I even thought I might marry Him. But alas, it just doesn't seem as if that's what I'm called to do with myself. 


But what am I called to do with myself? I don't even know. That's where my mind has been, wondering exactly where I'm supposed to go with my life. Where does God want me? I'm willing to go anywhere He wants me to go, do anything that He wants me to do. He just has to lead the way. Where He goes, I'll go. But right now, it doesn't feel as if He's leading me anywhere. I feel so stuck. I'm going through the motions. I spend my life at home, either doing schoolwork or sitting on the couch. I haven't even got the energy to go out of a walk to work off my restlessness. If I did, I'd be halfway to Rome right now. But... that's not where God's leading me. 

I feel as if I've got nothing to live for. I don't even have the energy to walk across the house, much less to Rome. I have to beg my mom every Sunday just so that she'll let me stay for lifeteen after Mass. And then when I do succeed in convincing her, I always come home completely drained. But I'm so restless! It's a strange feeling, to feel so weak and without energy, yet at the same time I'm just a bundle of nerves. I'm not content as to where I am right now. I want to be somewhere interesting, doing something fantastic. 

But no. God is calling me to wait. Every day, I tell Him that I'm ready to give myself up and do something amazing for Him. I'm willing to do anything for Him. I'd happily be a missionary, a sister in one of Mother Teresa's orders, or play a part in something huge. But then He asks me to do what I hate most: wait. Such a simple thing to ask. Why am I so afraid to say yes? I want to be out there doing something, but no. I have to trust that He really does have the perfect plan for me. Jesus wants me to sit here and wait. 

So if you need me, I'll be sitting here. Waiting. 

My Heart's Deepest Desire

Excuse me for stating the obvious here, but I love God. So much. I am His beloved daughter and nothing makes me happier than to be in His arms. He is my special Man. He sets my heart on fire. Just being in His presence fills me with a perfect satisfaction. When He looks down at me with His eyes so full of love, I'm overwhelmed with the desire to live up to that love. Nothing else matters. 

I will stop at nothing until I get that love. It's my heart's deepest desire. I long to be able to look into His dark eyes, as His gaze back into my own, showing me an unspoken word of pure love. I wish to be able to fall into His embrace, to feel His strong arms wrap around my small frame and hold me tight. I want to be able to hear the whisper that escapes from His lips, as He declares His longing for me to be His. My heart aches to be just that: His. 

I long for sainthood more than anything that world can offer me. Someday, I will be called Saint Rachel, and I will be up in Heaven, praying for His children still on earth. I will sing praises with the angles, be one with the saints. I've spent my life here on earth praying for the souls of all those that I love, I continue to do so as long as I am here, and I will still pray for those that I love when I am in Heaven. 

Someday I will go to Heaven. That is my heart's deepest desire. 

Sometimes it's hard to live up to that desire, but I know that I can be confident that all of the efforts that I put into this will all come to be worth it in the end. 

Not Of This World

I sing praise songs at the top of my lungs with my sisters in the car, I wear skirts to my ankles and shirts no lower than four fingers past my collar bone, my heart skips a beat at the word "Adoration." I love going to church and youth group is the highlight of my week. 
I dream of going to Heaven not to be filled with earthly pleasures, but merely to rest in my Jesus' arms. It's what I was created for. I'm a daughter of the Lord and not of this world. 

Be It Done Unto Me According to Your Word

I love Mary. She's the one who I always find myself turning to as I constantly strive for a greater holiness. She's the perfect example of how a strong, beautiful woman of God should be. She's the one I look up to and say to myself, "I want to be just like her when I grow up." She's got a certain something, something special that makes her beauty and love for God shine as if she were on fire. I guess being the mother of God Himself does that to you. But I want that. I guess I can't go as far as being the mother of Jesus, but I do want to have that something that she has. When I say my prayers every morning and every night, I always set aside some "Mom and me" time so that I can talk to her, ask her advice in how I can serve her Son, and ask her to give me strength so that I can make my way through life with God as my Guide and my Light. 
So how does she do it? Well, I found this lovely list from lifeteen that shows her virtues, the armor that she wore as she battled her daily life while she was here on earth. To be like Mary, we've got to arm ourselves with these characteristic virtues so that we can be like her and say "yes" to God. And the dude who wrote the article on lifeteen.com said it really well: One of the coolest things about Mary is that she is not just someone from history; she is still our Mother today and she is always praying for us, supporting us, and leading us closer to her Son.


Ardent Charity: Letting her love for God be the driving force behind every decision
Profound Humility: Knowing who she is before God, nothing more and nothing less
Universal Mortification: Seeking to lay down her life and her will at every moment
Constant Mental Prayer: Always being aware of God’s presence
Blind Obedience: Following God’s call without counting the cost
Divine Wisdom: Always begging for God’s Spirit to guide her
Surpassing Purity: Having a heart immaculately clean and unstained by sin
Angelic Sweetness: Radiating joy and peace to everyone she encountered
Lively Faith: Constantly seeking God’s will and never settling for complacency

Heroic Patience: Always trusting that God was on the move; having more faith in His plans than her own

“My desire is for the young people of the entire world to come closer to Mary. She is the bearer of an indelible youthfulness and beauty that never wanes. May young people have increasing confidence in her and may they entrust the life just opening before them to her.” 
- Pope John Paul II (yeah, I love him, too.)

My Little Saint

Today is the feast day of my favorite little saint in Heaven, Blessed Jacinta Marto. I chose her as my Confirmation saint because I admired her dedication: her dedication to our Mother Mary and her dedication to be pleasing to her Son, Jesus. She was the youngest of the Fatima children, but was just as strong in her faith as anyone. She had a childlike and innocent, yet passionate and burning love for Jesus. She was a sweet little girl with a love for music, dancing, and all the beautiful things in life. 

Her strength amazes me. She suffered the taunts of her family and friends when the word of her Heavenly sighting went out. It had to have been hard for her to have gone through something like that, but she took it without complaint. She offered up sacrifices for Jesus constantly all the way up to her death, when she had to suffer her last minutes alone. 

She is such a beautiful saint and I love her so much. Even though she was only a little girl, she's my role model. She's helped me to understand and appreciate the times when I'm feeling sick or uncomfortable. Because of her, I no longer see suffering as something to despise having, but rather as an opportunity to be one with Christ in His suffering. Suffering is beautiful, and Jacinta is the one who helped me to realize it. 

"And now I am happy about my suffering for you. For by means of my physical sufferings, I am helping to complete what still remains of Christ's sufferings, on behalf of His body, the Church." Colossians 1:24

Blessed Jacinta and Francisco Marto, pray for us! 

My Saint Crush: Pier Giorgio Fra-hottie

Okay, okay. I'll admit it. I like boys. I have a mad crush on one man in particular. He's handsome, Italian, athletic, Italian, broad shouldered, Italian, dark colored, Italian, tall, Italian, light hearted, Italian, and CATHOLIC... an ITALIAN CATHOLIC! As far as I'm concerned, he has but one flaw: his life here on earth ended on July 4, 1925. He's dead. *pitiful sigh* 
Pope John Paul II called him the "Man of the Beatitudes" because the life he chose to live was to serve the least of those around him. He loved the poor. He always put others before himself. He embraced sacrifice for his strong love of God. He would rather help a poor old lady move when she's been evicted from her home than go to the fancy parties that his wealthy family was invited to. It's the small things like this that I find so... charming. His striking movie star looks are just a bonus. I swear.
But alas, I can only pray and ask him to intercede to Jesus for me. So, Pier Giorgio Frassati, pray for us!
“Our life, in order to be Christian, has to be a continual renunciation, a continual sacrifice. But this is not difficult, if one thinks what these few years passed in suffering are, compared with eternal happiness where joy will have no measure or end, and where we shall have unimaginable peace.”